Bailey Andrew Louis Marshall

JOURNAL

08/04/2006

The Elephant In The Room
By Terry Kettering

There's an elephant in the room
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it
Yet we squeeze by it with "How are you"? and "I'm fine,"
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather
We talk about work
We talk about everything else, except the elephant in the room.

There's an elephant in the room
We all know it's there
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very large elephant.
It has hurt us all.

But we don't talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh please say his name
Oh please say his name again
Oh, please let's talk about the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about his death, perhaps we can talk about his life
Can I say his name to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me....
Alone...
In a room...
With an elephant.

Another one of those WOW! poems.



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07/04/2006

Does Anyone Know?
 
Does anyone know what today should be?
Anyone else, or is it only me?
 
Does anyone know how great today would have been
If you would have come now instead of then?
 
It seems people forget: to them it's just another day
But for me I just can't think of it that way
 
My heart aches and I can't stop the tears
I keep on wishing that you were still here
 
Others just don't understand why today I mourn
Today is a special day, the day you should have been born
 
 
Written By Heather Will
Given to us by good friends
Annette And Samantha


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07/04/2006

1234Today, Friday 7 April 2006 is the date Michelle and I were given as our baby's due date. Today is the day that Bailey should have been born and made his entry into the world. It didn't happen that way and Bailey was born back on New Year's Eve. To mark the day we took a helium filled balloon up to his grave and released it into the air. Attached to the balloon, protected from the weather, was a photograph of the little man and an explanatory note of who Bailey was and why the balloon had been let loose.

It was pretty windy at the cemetery, which is fairly exposed and sits above the coastline, and the sky was heavy with cloud. At first the balloon looked like it might snag on the boundary hedge or even on one of the houses in the estate which surrounds the cemetery, but after a little dip the wind caught the balloon and it soared. Within seconds the balloon had cleared the cemetery and very quickly after that it would have passed over the coastline and out over the Irish Sea towards Scotland.

Michelle, Courtney and I stood and watched as the balloon went on it's way and rapidly grew smaller and smaller in our vision. Eventually it passed out of our sight and was lost to us.

Today is a day which for us is filled with all the usual questions of 'what if?' and 'why?', but it has also been a day when we could do something to feel close to our boy again. It's been a reminder, if any was needed, just how raw we are after the death of our son. We had thought that by now we would have been buying nappies and sterilising bottles rather than putting flowers on our son's grave which has already lost the bloom of newness that it once had.

One day we might see a note from the person who finds Bailey's balloon in the guestbook on this site. We will have to wait and see.



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05/04/2006

Letter From Heaven
 
My dearest family,
Some things I'd like to say
But first to let you know
That I arrived ok.
I'm writing this from heaven
Where I dwell with God above
Where there's no more tears or sadness
There is just eternal love
Please do not be unhappy
Just because I'm out of sight
Remember that I am with you
Every morning, noon and night.
The day that I had to leave you
When my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me
And He said ' I welcome you.
It's good to have you back again
You were missed while you were gone
As for your dearest family
They'll be here later on'.
Then God gave me a list of things
He wished for me to do
And foremost on that list of mine
Is to watch and care for you
And I will be beside you
Every day and week and year
And when you're sad
I'm standing there
to wipe away the tear
And when you lie in bed at night
The dys chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you
In the middle of the night
When you think of my life on earth
And all those loving times
Because you're only human
They're bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry
It does relieve the pain
But remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain
I wish that I could tell you
Of all that God has planned
But if I were to tell you
You wouldn't understand
But one thing is for certain
Though my life on earth is o'er
I am closer to you now
Than I ever was before
And to my very many friends
Trust that God knows what is best
I'm still not far away from you
I'm just beyond the crest
And when you are walking
Down the street
And you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps
Only a half a step behind
And when you feel the gentle breeze
Or the wind upon your face
That's me giving you a great big hug
Or just a soft embrace
And when it's time for you to go
From the body to be free
Remember you're not going
You are coming here to me
And I will always love you
From the land way up above.
Will be in touch again soon
P.S. God sends his love .


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05/04/2006

Hold Me Close And Go Away
 
Hold me close and go away
Please visit me and please don't stay
Talk to me but please don't speak
I need you NOW, come back next week
 
Emotions muddled,needs unknown
To be with others or on my own?
To scream out loud? To rant and shout?
Or hide away and push you out?
 
I smile at you- "she's not that bad"
I shout at you-"she's going mad"
I speak to you- "what do I say?"
I show my tears- "quick walk away"
 
It's not catching, the grief I feel
I can't pretend that it's not real
I carry on as best I know
But this pain inside just wont go
 
So true friends,please, accept the lot
I shout, I cry, I lose the plot
I don't know what I need today
So hold me close and go away.
 
 
I found this poem on another web site and was stunned at how true to life the words are.


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05/04/2006

Since Bailey died I have worried about Nigel, Bailey's daddy. Nigel has been a real rock for me, and I couldn't have done without him. But Nigel is so busy being strong for me that he doesn't take time for himself. I found this poem and thought it fitted very well.

 

It must be very difficult, to be a man in grief

Since "men don't cry" and " men are strong"

No tears can bring relief

 

It must be very difficult to stand up to the test

And field the calls and visitors

So she can get some rest

 

They always ask if she's all right

And what she's going through

But seldom take his hand and ask,

"My friend, but how are you?"

 

He hears her crying in the night

And thinks his heart will break

He dries her tears and comforts her

But "stays strong" for her sake

 

It must be very difficult

To start each day anew

And try to be so very brave--

He lost his baby too.



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27/03/2006

I said, God I hurt
And God said, I know
 
I said, I cry a lot
And God said, that's why I gave you tears
 
I said, life is so hard
And God said, that's why I gave you loved ones
 
I said, but my loved one died!
And God said, so did mine!
 
I said, it's such a great loss!
And God said, I saw mine nailed to a cross!
 
I said, but your loved one lives!
And God said, so does yours!
 
I said, where is he now?
And God said, my son is by my side
And yours is in my arms.


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27/03/2006

The Cord
By Terri Apostolakos
 
We are connected, my child and I
By an invisable cord not seen by the eye
 
It's not like the cord that connects us at birth
This cord can't be seen by any on earth
 
This cord does it's work right from the start
It binds us together, attached to my heart
 
I know that it's there, though no one can see
This invisable cord from my child to me
 
The strength of this cord, it's hard to describe
It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied
 
It's stronger than any cord man could create
It withstands the test, can hold any weight
 
And though you are gone, yoou're not here with me
The cord is still there, but no one can see
 
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline, as never before
 
I'm thankful that God connects us this way
A mother and child. Death can't take it away.


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